about last night

just when the monk and i settled down last night for what we hoped might be a long winter's nap, baz awoke. the monk tried to settle him back down but he would have none of that. baz ended up with me, nursing back to sleep.

the next thing i know its 2.33 in the morning. well, not really because i had set the clock wrong. it was more like 3a. there was another little person besides me. in my middle-of-the-night stupor, it took me several minutes to realize where this arm that kept going over my neck was coming from. it was hot. oh, my brain finally fired on a few cylinders, its bug. he went to bed with a fever and somehow found his way into mine. now, at 3a, he's twisting and turning, working through the fever.

in this state of mind i kept trying to think of how i could keep bug away from the 10month old. bug kept flinging himself on me, needing to be cuddled and comforted while his body fought the nastiness inside. i, on the other hand, could only think of how i could keep baz healthy. do i buy lysol tomorrow? would the natural enzyme cleaner get the germs? just when i had created a plan in my head, the el woke up to climb into my bed.

"el, go to the other bed, sweetie." my instructions hurt. she wanted the warmth and safety of mom. i on the other hand wanted her healthy. it took several times of explaining before she realized why she was being told to leave the room.

and, of course, at this point, everybody woke up. baz cried and was hungry. bug awoke from fighting his fever to be almost fever free. and the monk joined in the party at 3a at our house.

five minutes later, everyone was settled back into different beds in the house. and we slept. not long enough, but we slept.

expecting too much today?

i don't know about you, but i have all these crazy expectations of myself. for some reason, i thought setting a goal of blogging daily while working full-time with a nursing infant, pulling together a retreat and several events, caring for my home and making nutritious food would be a worthwhile goal. oh, and co-teach a class. yeah, forgot about that one. and write an academic article.

you get the picture.

i'm working really hard right now on being aware of my limits and taking care of myself. having a family means for me that there are little speed bumps that usually make an appearance when i'm least expecting them. i expect that the kids will need to eat or that the monk will need some conversation. but i don't expect the out-of-the-blue neediness or overwhelming desire to cuddle or the annoying argument. and all of these things take time out of my schedule to attend to them. and emotional energy - more emotional energy than i budgeted, thank you very much.

so, that's where i am. i'm living life. the dream, as some say. when i look around i can see such amazing signs of life and hope around me, i laugh with the bug being crazy and smile as the el can't wait to do all. her. homework. tonight. i grin from ear-to-ear as baz tentatively waddles across the floor, laughing at himself for being upright and i am so grateful for the monk who graciously cares for the kiddos at great expense. and then there are those speed bumps, the ones that jar you to be a little more careful, to notice a little more the signs of stress or things being out-of-wack.

thankfulness

today...
for roadtrips (i LOVE roadtrips!)
for hearing fun people's stories over coffee or a meal

do we need youth ministry anymore, redeux

several years ago i wrote this as a way of trying to help the discipline of youth ministry wrestle with its validity. i by no means offered an academic perspective at the time but rather tried to offer a starting point for discussion, hoping to free people from the fear of thinking themselves out of paid existence and reflect on what youth ministry is and how it was being done.

i was commenting to a colleague the other day how i hoped to write a follow-up email, as i've continued to be involved in youth ministry over the past six years. i haven't found the time to pound out my thoughts and compile the stats.

imagine my surprise when i saw this in my twitter today.

check it out.

just what is youth ministry?
what is youth ministry today?
what does it look like?
what are we hoping to facilitate?

more soon, 'promise.

thankfulness

today i'm grateful for the surprise paid-for breakfast with the monk and a husband who is getting all the food and toys ready for a road trip tomorrow. sawweet!

oh, and amazing people who are insightful and caring. totally grateful.

thankfulness

for morning surprises from one's spouse - thoughtful, intentional things of cheer.

for the ways that cooking is a creative endeavor for me.

thanksfulness

so, i missed a couple of days doing this publicly on the blog, but here's my thankfulness for today:

i'm thankful that my husband takes out the trash.
i'm totally thankful for hulu. with the little ones, finding time to watch a rented movie is tough, but i can usually grab 20 or so to watch a show on hulu. silly little thing, but its true. i'm thankful for you, hulu.
bonus thankful, for truly the most amazing sisters one could ever have. truly. so different and all so amazing.

and, if you're lucky, more poetry will be coming your way....

thankfulness

today...

i'm thankful for a great mechanic. if i didn't drop so much money there, i'd stop by more often. :)

i'm thankful for an amazing spousal unit who laughs with me at the current absurdity that is our life. we laugh alot.